"Good day Mr. Kubrick..."

In this video, Juilliard-trained thespian Brian Atene auditions for Stanley Kubrick's "Full Metal Jacket". Keep in mind, this is a REAL audition.

Apparently, back in the 80’s, Juilliard was training students to be talent-less douche bags. Who am I kidding? Most theatre students are talent-less douche bags. This video should be re titled - “Selfish, talent-less, pretentious, ugly, obnoxious douche bag over-acts for Stanley Kubrick”. Juilliard owes this guy a refund, this is the most offensive acting I've ever seen.

Some quick notes…

1. Good idea calling Kubrick inferior to Curtiz in the audition tape. I’m sure that made him happy. This also further proves this guy’s douchiness, as Curtiz never directed anything of note outside of “Casablanca”.

2. “A young Alec Guinness” (Obi-Wan Kenobi) and a “Trekkie” = Nerd.

3. Don’t fool yourself Brian, all the faces are more attractive than yours. You douche.

4. Kubrick decided to pass on “2010” to bang your mom, douche.

5. Millions upon millions of NERDS are crying out in agony because you’re not directing “2010”.

6. Brian Atene = Douche bag

Good to get that out of my system. While I go take a shit on Brian Atene, enjoy a quality audition video to take your mind off of that stupidity. This guy is awesome.

Movie Review - "You Kill Me"

Hollywood loves assassins. You can’t go more than a few weeks without a new hitman movie hitting (sorry) the multiplexes. Hell, later this year, there’s a movie coming out literally called “Hitman”.

The new trend seems to be putting comedic twists on the assassin film. I guess we can thank Tarantino for that. Within the past few years, stuff like “Mr.& Mrs. Smith”, “The Whole Nine Yards”, “The Matador”, “Grosse Pointe Blank”, and “Lucky Number Slevin” gave us clever little plays on the assassin genre. If you’re at all familiar with those films, you’ll feel right at home with “You Kill Me”.

Ben Kingsley plays Frank Falenczyk, a hitman for the Polish Mob out of Buffalo, New York. Frank’s an alcoholic, and recently it’s been affecting his work. As a result, his superiors send him to San Francisco to attend Alcoholics Anonymous until he can sober up.


The movie doesn’t win any points for originality, but it does have a lot to offer. Kingsley puts on a capable, sympathetic show - pretty impressive for a guy who spends the majority of the film getting hammered. Téa Leoni does well enough as the obligatory love interest. The age difference took a little getting used to. Dennis Farina and Philip Baker Hall are a treat to watch playing essentially the same roles they’ve been playing forever. Hall is the soft spoken head of the Polish Mob Family, while Farina is the loudmouth villain heading up the Italians. Bill Pullman also has a small role as a sleazy real estate agent. Anyone who’s seen “Lucky Numbers” knows that Pullman has a talent for quirky lowlifes, and he shines here.

This is a very light movie. It won’t blow you away in any regards, but it is a solid 90 minutes of easy entertainment. The script is essentially Frank’s struggle to fight his habit. We also get a light love story and a touch of crime thriller. It’s a strange juggling act, but Kingsley and director John Dahl pull it off. Don’t get discouraged by the bland name. With just enough laughs, drama, and action – this is a small movie than just about anybody can have fun with.

2.5/4

Crispin Glover is high on life...

Wait, did I say life?

I meant drugs.

Masterpiece Theater

Some of Hollywood's best, coming to DVD shelves soon!

Who says "They don't make them like they used to"?!



and, of course...

"From The Abyss"

Who needs friends, family, and a career when you've got David Hasselhoff? This is pretty much the greatest thing - EVER. Brace yourself!


Watching "Santasm" will make you rethink your existence on the Earth...